Ever notice that guy in the bar or club that every guy wants to be and every girl wants to be with? Want to know what his secret to being so well received? What I have for you are a few suggestions on things to do and say so that people want to be around you and are deeply captivated and engaged in having a conversation with you. Focus on them. People generally like to be the center of attention. In more cases than not, people are thinking about what they are going to say next instead of listening. Understanding these two ideas will greatly improve your ability to connect with other people’s desires by playing to their vanity. Even beautiful and powerful people love compliments or to be recognized for what they have done. Your goal is not to just be nice for the sake of being nice, but to truly appreciate something that another person has done. That means putting your own ego aside for a second and taking the time to acknowledge other people’s successes. If you think about it you would want to surround yourself with people who genuinely care about you and support your dreams. So the first step is to do that for others.

STEP ONE: Focus on Her to Be More Outgoing

Focus on the person you are talking to. Don’t assume what their interests are or try to guess what will impress them. Instead try to have genuine conversation where you learn something about the person you’re chatting with. You should ask her about what she is doing for work and what she would ideally want to do? Go from there if something piques your interests – go with it. If you have something that you do that relates to the conversation bring it up.

CAUTION

In a lot of cases guys try and steer the conversation to how great they are at whatever they do. How much money they make, talent in sports, or how powerful they are.[quote] “Being confident is an attractive characteristic, being cocky is not.”[/quote] So remember to be humble and not overplay your successes because the odds are that people are more receptive to a person that praises others when they do well and takes the blame when things go wrong. You want to be the type of person that’s not full of themselves, but the type of person that makes people feel good after a conversation and leave with the idea that they HAVE TO be around that guy again.

STEP TWO: Be Original

Don’t  feel the need to be someone who you are not. Be yourself. Showcase your interests and areas of knowledge. Most importantly, be open to learning something new. For example: I’m a huge movie buff and can quote lines from classic films like Bugsy or Citizen Kane. Most people my age may not be familiar with older films like this, but they can appreciate a genuine passion for something. It’s clear when you talk to someone who has conviction and passion for something. It brings out the best in you. The second part is to have a genuine interest in expanding your horizons. So listen to people when they speak. You love when people are interested in what you have to say, so be sure to listen to them. If they have an expertise in an area you want to learn more about, then ask them questions. I love to talk to people about the entertainment business because it’s something I’m passionate about. So don’t be afraid to ask someone to speak more. Let’s face it: we all love the sound of our own voice.

STEP THREE: Highlight Points of Interest 

Being outgoing and being confident can be parallel. Often times, if you are not aware of your body language people may wonder if you were actually listening. So be sure to recap and highlight pieces of the conversation you enjoyed. What your thoughts are and what you agree and disagreed with in the conversation at different points. Don’t treat meeting people at parties or social functions like a job interview – it should be a two-way street. People want to be an authority, but do not want to be surrounded by people who are just followers. Be sure to interject your ideas in a polite and thoughtful manner. You should have conviction and speak your mind; just remember to do it a way that is not accusatory or overtly aggressive.

STEP FOUR: Thank You

Be sure thank someone for taking the time to speak with you. Thank You goes a long way in today’s society where people forget to be polite. On that note, I just want to thank all of you for reading my article and I would love to hear what you think and if you have any suggestions on a topic for us to explore here at Confitdent hit us up.

Are you ready to be the most interesting person in the room?