It’s Not About Winning
It’s neither about you nor about the other guy winning; it’s about making things work between you. It may sound like a line from the movies, but to come up with an agreement, you should think about the two of you working together.
Check Your Emotion
It’s undeniable that we have the tendency to get emotional during arguments. The higher emotions go, the lower logical capability dips. One’s emotions trigger similar emotions in the other person. More often than not, a pissed off tirade sets off an outburst that’s as explosive as the other. This heightens the frustrations felt by both parties and shoves away any possible solution to the problem. In fact, the problem often gets lost in the agitated turn of events.
Check Their Emotion
Always remember that there are two parties involved in this argument. So, not only should you keep a leash on your emotions, you should also be aware of the other person’s emotions. When he starts to speak in a very loud voice, he is actually angry and he tries to convey the message by raising his voice. You, on the other hand, should be able to pick up the message and respond to it by acknowledging it. Sometimes, humans are angry because they have a problem with the way things are, and actually only need somebody to hear and acknowledge them.
After acknowledging the other person’s emotions, you’ll be in a perfect emotional state to listen and understand his point. Allow him to speak first – to say whatever he has to say – before you respond. If you interrupt him, this may just cause another argument. When you get the cue that he’s done speaking, you can then tell your side of the story.
Take One Step at a Time
There is never an all-time one-time solution. Even big problems take tiny steps in order to be solved. Finding where to begin is usually the hardest part. The key is starting from the very small ones – the ones which are the easiest to solve. If you taste successful resolutions on the small issues, you’ll create a positive trend of solving issues. On more complicated issues, the positive trend will be an advantage and make tackling the bigger disagreement easier. Come to an agreement. Continue this pattern until you reach the very last issue.
Give and Take
Every relationship benefits from a give-and-take understanding. If you’re willing to modify some aspects of the issue, meet the other person halfway. In all likelihood, the other person will follow your lead.